It’s a big moment when you decide to move in with the person you love. Getting along and making the most of a living environment that suits you both and makes you happy can be a challenge. The decision to start a life together can be tough on anyone. Unfortunately, it can be more challenging for queer couples since many communities are not as accepting as they should be.
However, regardless of whether you’re looking to get married, start a family, or simply try out a new living arrangement, it’s still possible to start a successful life with your partner. Before you move in, you must learn a few of the essential steps for a successful cohabitation, including how to budget, find a safe neighborhood, live sustainably, and strengthen your relationship while living in the same place. These tips will provide some guidance.
Knowing It’s the Right Time
Before you sign the dotted line to secure an apartment or house, you and your partner first need to truly know if it’s the right time to move in together. So, how do you know? Start by asking yourself and each other a few questions, such as:
- Is this the right time?
- Are we dedicated enough to each other to make this big move?
- Where do we see this relationship going once we move in?
- How will we keep our relationship special once we live together?
Talk about what personal time means to both of you. Recognize that it’s great to spend time together, but it’s also okay to spend time in separate rooms sometimes. Find out if you are both on the same page. You may find that it’s not quite the right time to move in. That’s okay. Work on your relationship, and the right time will reveal itself.
Understand Your Expenses
Another important topic to discuss before you move in together is the finances. If you don’t know how much money each of you makes, this is an excellent time to get it out there. Then, you should think about who will pay specific bills. So, if one of you pays the mortgage, will the other pay the utilities? If it’s not cut and dry, come up with another solution before moving in. You should also be honest with each other about any debts you may have so you can factor that into the equation as well.
Even if you both make plenty of money, it’s still essential that you sit down and start creating a budget. Start by listing your total earnings. Include full-time work, benefits you may receive, and any other incoming cash. Then, look at how much you spend on recurring expenses. Expenses include larger bills, like the mortgage, car payments, utility bills, and credit card payments. However, you mustn’t forget the little things. These include expenses like monthly TV streaming costs, any monthly donations you make, and fuel for your vehicle.
Now, you need to compare your income with your costs and see what you have left over at the end of the month. Do you have enough money put aside for emergencies and unexpected expenses? If not, you may need to discuss cutting out some unnecessary costs, see where you’re at, and modify as necessary. Saving money should be part of the equation. Set up a high-interest savings account or automatically deposit a portion of your paycheck into a savings account so you always have an emergency fund.
Find a Nice and Safe Neighborhood
Once you have vital conversations about your finances and other tough subjects, it’s time to find a place to live. Just like many other parts of the country, the southern states have some work to do when it comes to accepting queer couples, but there have been improvements over the years.
Do your research and identify supportive communities. There are many ways you can go about this. Search on social media and read queer blogs to learn about the safest neighborhoods in the area. Then, take a deep dive into the local laws with an emphasis on the fair housing and protection ordinances in the area. It’s also a good idea to look into the general crime statistics in the vicinity to ensure it’s a safe place to live overall. Once you’ve narrowed down a few places, visit them and walk around to see what they’re like.
There are other sources online that deal strictly with safety for LGBTQ+ couples that are worth a look. For instance, there’s Homesafe, which provides safety ratings for the entire country, including cities in the South. Find a state you like, and you can learn more about the protections there. You can also find online lists of the gayest cities in the South. Several places, like Austin, Texas, and Nashville, Tennessee, often find themselves on these lists, so consider them as landing places for your new life together.
Live a Sustainable Lifestyle
Once you secure a house or apartment, think about ways that you can run your home that are both cost-effective and sustainable, as these two often go hand in hand. By reducing your energy usage, you can reduce your utility bills and save that money for other areas of your life.
You can see this truth manifest itself in many ways as you build your sustainable lifestyle. Keep the lights off when you’re not home and switch to LED lighting, and you could cut down your lighting costs. One utility that many people often forget about is the water bill. To avoid a costly expense, invest in low-flow showerheads and turn off the faucet while you brush your teeth. If you have a yard, water it responsibly. Water less frequently during rainy weeks. During dry spells, try to water only one inch per week, and you’ll have a green yard without harming the environment.
Reducing waste and cutting down on pollution are both ways that you can help yourself and your new community. Consider growing a garden in your yard. It will supply you with tasty vegetables, and you won’t need to burn fuel to drive to the store for unnecessary groceries. When you go shopping, bring reusable shopping bags to cut down on unnecessary plastic. In fact, instead of going to the major supermarket chain, visit farmer’s markets. The food is often tastier and locally sourced, meaning that trucks don’t need to pollute the air by transporting it from across the country.
Continue Working On Your Relationship
Most relationships will require extra work once they’ve reached the “moving in together” stage. This will likely be a new experience for both of you, so you’ll need to be there for one another. One aspect that you’ll need is strong communication. Don’t keep secrets from each other. When something bothers you, say something so you two can work it out. Think about your life right now while you live apart. If you argue frequently, you have some things to work on before living together.
Also, even though you’re making this big step and will soon be under one roof, it doesn’t mean you should stop trying. Instead, you should continue working on the relationship by going out on date nights and other adventures to keep your love fresh.
Finally, learn how to compromise with one another. Although you have a lot in common, you likely have some differences, and that’s okay. Just learn to be fair. Compromise on the meals, furniture, and decor by going to the store together. Point things out that you like and then talk about them. This is a much better idea than coming home with an item only to find that your mate doesn’t like it.
Conclusion
The steps described here are a great starting point to help you and your partner thrive during your new living arrangement. Communication and compromise are cornerstones of a successful relationship, so don’t let these attributes fall by the wayside. There will be disagreements occasionally, but by working together and showing respect, your new life together can be an amazing success.